Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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