How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Damn victory sex feels great
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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