felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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