Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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