do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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