there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
