he puts the penis in happiness.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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