You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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