If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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