I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
