there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
