I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize