All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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