i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
