If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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