Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
