Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
