take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
