i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
