She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
