I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize