Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
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I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize