see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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