thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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