fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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