Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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