I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Its about making memories worth repressing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In America we eat man semen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Randomize
