I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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