The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
