there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize