Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
