I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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