toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I didn't shave. On purpose
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
