I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
