Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
