I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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