Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
