I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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