I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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