pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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