he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
