I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think i have herpe
just one?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
