Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
