I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
