Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
