You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
