I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
BRING THE BAGELS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
