He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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