Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
