Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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