dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
