I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
