So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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