He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Boobs speak an international language.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
