i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
