with your own penis?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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