I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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