Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
