we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize