o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
