Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
