im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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