I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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