matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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